Belle's adventures starting at 6:00 PM last night....

I went to go get her a new bed for her crate because she has had an upset stomach for a few days, she couldn't hold it in any longer and shat the bed sometime during the day while I was at work. There was no use in saving her bed, I wasn't putting that in my new washing machine, I tossed it in the garbage so I put her back in her crate with a bowl of water and one of her animals when I left for 30 minutes to go to Publix and grab some dinner...

Little Ms. Belle knocked her crate over on its side and broke out the back of it, again. I opened the garage door to find her head poking out and then she walked outside... I bet you think that's all she did....

HAHHAAHAHAHAHA sadly mistaken.

Then after I was done painting I went outside to wash a roller and left her inside, I opened the blinds in the living room so she could look out and watch... she opened the front door a few times, and each time I smacked her and said NO, BAD BELLE! Then after the 3rd or 4th time she locked me out of the house!!!

Hello there...

I know it's been a while but I had a great time last night and wanted to share it with the blog-o-sphere. You see I was supposed to go to an FAU Alumni networking event last night in Fort Lauderdale, but you see Mother Nature had a different idea we were unable to see the front end of the car due to the rain and the traffic was horrible. My friend "J" and I instead headed to the East Boca Ale House for some dinner and where ever else the wind would take us. We dined on King Crab clusters and some iffy Prime Rib. We then headed towards the Well for good times, drinks and darts; however there is a Dart league on Tuesday nights so that ended our throwing session after one game (J remains undefeated in singles matches against me, fucker). Which all elapsed prior to 7:30 pm, which takes us to the dessert portion of the evening.

So we headed north and braved the blinding rain, it was coming from all different directions, sometimes it even looked like it was coming from below us. We arrived at Mirage, it is on the former plot of land where Peek-A-Boo's used to be (Lake Worth), it's now a two level establishment. Well this place looked nice from the outside, greeted by the hostess' nipple popping up from her red corset (theme of the evening). The club was nice if you like black strippers, I personally prefer white & latina strippers, not too mention there were 3 total and all the white women were behind the bar instead of on it. So after the Braves game was over at 10ish, we left and I said to Platinum Show Girls we go, actually I think it was more like this "I need me some 18 year old tities in my face, let's go to Platinum"

Off we went to Platinum Show Girls in Boynton Beach, it's a nice little establishment, probably about 20-30 girls, so nice and delightful; average age of about 21, oh so nice! So we were shown to our table by the wonderful delightful waitress named MariAnne originally of Wisconsin. She kept the drinks flowing, ah the Captain such a wonderful drink but as the night progressed, we drank more, she drank with us, she got drunk and then we started getting touchy feely and friendly which brings me to this..

she was in corset so they (boobies) were amplified but her ass, oh do die for. felt so nice in my hands and SO SMOOTH. like a baby's bottom!

She is supposed to call me to go grab a drink before she comes with us for a birthday party we are attending the weekend of the 15th in South Beach.

Oh did I mention, she was hot and it turns out she has two daughters, no not 2 & 4, but 8 & 10, yes, I belive she said she was going to be 28 soon. So she was popping them out at 18, EPS does not cast judgement, I do not know the reason behind it, nor do I care. EPS just knows he wants to get that little black corset on the floor of EPS Manor!

Yes, yes it has been a while I know, been busy getting the house all nice. But here are some videos of Belle doing her puppy thing. Also check out her album on myspace to see.

Please say hello to Belle

Well, it's been a while. No internet at EPS Manor, that and I have been working so hard to make it ready to move in; that day is April 28 - that's when the furniture moves!

I have been without a dog for the past three years, and did not want to get one while I lived in an apartment, well as you all know I purchased a home and right out my back door is the large retention area and ten blocks away from the Lake Ida Dog Park. So one Sunday night I decided I was going to adopt a puppy. I had a black and white English Pointer for a few years, but we broke up and she took the dog. So I have been wanting to get another Pointer, very smart dogs, great personality and playful.

This leads me to Monday April 9, 2007. That day I went online to Palm Beach Animal Control and I found this beautiful little girl...

This was taken tonight, I just picked her up from the vet, she wasn't spayed yet because she had kennel cough, except she sneezed twice in the week I had her, I guess she didn't have it too bad.

I'll have much more this weekend. Pictures of EPS Manor, it looks like a house now!

Erin Andrews

Well, my bracket is shot to shit, oh well. Fucking tOSU and Kansas just lose already.

And without further ado Erin Andrews, she was at the Capital One Bowl, I saw her on the big screen then I went on the look out. Yeah, I found her!!! She can move too, haulin that ass all around the side lines -- great reporter too!

Enjoy

St. Patty's Day ShitShow

Well it was going to be another regular ho-hum Saturday afternoon, down in Boca for a drink by the pool but Adam called, he needed help moving items out of his old apartment and into his storage unit. I have a truck, so I get the call. Blake said he would help so it wouldn't take forever - thanks Blake! So after we moved Adam's stuff to storage in Delray, I showed Blake my new place EPS Manor! I hope you're sitting down because this is where the story goes from ho-hum to HOLY FUCKING SHIT, YOU FOR REAL?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?

So Blake and I drive from EPS Manor to McDonalds (half block away) on Federal & Linton in Delray, we pulled into the parking lot and saw a horse drawn carriage trotting down Federal Highway (southbound). We parked facing Federal Highway and saw this dude laying down and saw a chick opposite him bending over and wondered why? All of the sudden her head comes up and BOOM turns out she was blowing him. Oh not to mention the other couple in the carriage, they were how do I put this - slapin skins, bumpin uglies, fucking!

This has now been put on my list of things to do with a lady!

Now onto the pictures from St. Patrick's Day -- they are in chronological order.

Marley wanted to come out with us!

Who wants the lime green mustache ride.

Who wants a group picture? We do! We do!

I swear, I did not die the beard orange; it's 100% natural.

Who wants to sex the leprechaun?


Seriously, like I was going to not take a picture of that ass in that skirt. It was discussed by the crew that was there if the ass made the skirt or the skirt made the ass. Determined that the skirt made the ass. I bet you want to know how I managed to take that picture with her 5 feet away, well my friends it takes practice. You see that green shirt and arm on the left -- that is Adam's girlfriend and he is on the left of her. Yeah I offered to take a picture of them, and slide the camera to the right for the ass! There, it's now like the magic trick has been revealed.

I would have loved to kiss them because they were Irish for the day... EPS loves the blonde's, proven fact you can look it up.

They saw me, and wanted a picture, who am I to turn down the ladies, especially the one who nibbles. Since I have two hands and there were two nice asses for me to rest my hands on... why we are at it, yes, yes, self, yes, probably!

Yep, rock stars and my witness to the Delray porno event mentioned above!

Yeah, below appears to be my drunken drive home picture face. It's kinda like my go to move.

Dancin Fool

Oh yeah, I can cut the rug like no other, chick to the left, yeah that's the art dealer intellectual woman (I'm working on an epic piece about the wedding ); I hate them just for the fact that unlike strippers who are gone the next morning (from your mind, you sick fuck) intellectual one's stay there, they set up shop, they camp out.

I haven't had to deal with that in three years thank you very much and I'm not in the mood for that shenanigans.

ONE SHINNING MOMENT

1ST ANNUAL EPSKNOWS
BRACKET CHALLENGE

So it is that glorious time of year again where the fine folks at Deadspin provide there team by team break down. So comprehensive it's not funny, written by people who know their teams inside and out. I learned all about Bucky, his real name and why they are called Badgers.

So here is my official for the money bracket.

My Final Four for those of you who don't want to click the above link. Florida over Southern Illinois in one semi-final and Georgetown over Texas A&M in the other.

FLORIDA OVER GEORGETOWN IN THE FINALS.

I'll have more later, just wanted to stop in for a little punch and pie. I'm off to go wait for the games to start in about 5-6 hours.

Welcome to my new home, now wipe your dirty ass feet!

FRONT DOOR ENTRY


KITCHEN (FROM LIVING ROOM)


LIVING ROOM (FROM KITCHEN)


OUT THE BACK


MY LAUNDRY ROOM WITH FULL SIZE WASHER & DRYER


So I am walking with the sale's woman taking pictures when outside is this smokin hot brunette in tight workout pants and green sports bra; walking her dog. The sale's woman noticed my attention was diverted and mentioned that the brunette lives across from me out my front door. She said "they" so I don't know if it's brunette & dog or brunette and dude...

But we shall see in less then a month. I am soliciting color ideas for my walls. A light blue, some reds, perhaps a light metal looking finish to compliment the appliances, I do know that I need to paint the stairway to heaven a lighter color because very little natural light will be shinning in daily. Also might get a puppy or two cute little kittens, cats are great because you can leave them alone for a day or two and they can go to the bathroom inside their litter box and eat on their own, whereas dogs are great but have to be walked.

Comparing the era's

This line is an instant classic, and I wish I could take credit for it:

I might be alone here, but, as a purist, I think fake boobs have roided-up today's breast-ogling game. Babe Ruth didn't get drunk staring at plastic tits. Ted Williams didn't hit .406 by playing with fake funbags. And natural breasts were good enough for Hank Aaron, so they're good enough for me.

or fake ones...

One of the coolest things ever...

This was on Deadspin and it is quite possibly one of the coolest things that I have ever seen. Hell, I would drink beer if it was delivered to me this way, and I don't drink beer.



Robotic Beer Launching Refrigerator - More bloopers are a click away

Motor boatin son-of-a-bitch

Just a quick little update:

1. Won $250 on 3 seperate parlay's almost two weeks ago (one 3 team, one 4 team, one 7 team money line)
2. Finishing up term 3 for school (ends in week & half)
3. Getting ready for the wedding that I will be a part of this weekend -- I'll have stories and pictures afterwards! Booze and babes, yeah good combination.
4. WAKA Kickball started last friday, we had practice and a referee's clinic. They ask you to drink then we go to bar in Deerfield after the game is over -- YEAH IT'S FUCKIN SWEET! Sadly I will be missing the first game due to item #3 this Friday night; it's the rehersal & dinner that night.
   
5. Working on buying a house - not so exciting but just wanted to let you know.

Granted the movie loses steam with about an hour to go when John falls for the hottie, but it's still a great movie.

Seriously are those built for speed or pleasure? You motor boatin son-of-a-bitch!


Oh and for those of you scoring at home, I am batting .333 at weddings. Granted I am 0-2 when I don't have a girlfriend with me at a wedding and I go alone. So yeah, screw you I am 1-3 including an ex-girlfriend when hooking up at a wedding.

The Midnight Conversation

You see this Saturday friends and I were supposed to go down to Beach Place, grab some food and hit Howl at the Moon - nothing like a great piano bar. But that did not materialize so I went back to Best Buy in order to purchase the home theater system that my TV has been lacking. Peter called and said let's go to the bar, we went to the Well where we hoisted back a few and played some darts. I won, hit about 4 20's in a row. I smoked him. So I got home around 11:30 in order to finish assembling the home theater system. See everything else is just the set up, here comes the story…

So it’s after midnight and my phone beeps, I look to see who has texted me and I see #%$## and the message says “what are you up to?” Yeah, we all know what that message means after midnight to the opposite sex… Hey, I have been drinking and I want to fuck.

A little back story on this chick; we went out ONE time, let me repeat that ONE DINNER almost a year ago, kept in contact and one day last spring, she asks what I’m up to, I tell her I am doing homework, she offers to come over and tutor me – and says “I have to warn you, I have really sensitive nipples” Yeah, I found out how sensitive. So she would come over every once in a while last year and then I would send her on her way.

So we proceeded to text back and forth, etc bullshit stuff, so I’m like are you coming over, and I got “Oh, I just got home” by this time its now close to 12:30 and #%$## lives about another 30 minutes away. So I said back, don’t tease like that, what are you doing tomorrow? Tomorrow was Sunday, I really didn’t have shit to do, seriously I didn’t want to do any of my homework if I had the ability for some fuckie fuckie. So she came over Sunday afternoon for a throw, I threw down. And when it was time for her to leave, I said, I would walk you out, but I’m not putting on any pants; I was in a shirt and boxers all day doing homework.

I get a text a few hours after she leaves saying “do you miss me yet?” So I left the text alone for a few hours, said I was in another room and wrote back something about finishing up my work. And then I got to work this morning and saw that I had an email from her already. Oh yeah, now I remember why I try not to talk to her too much after she comes over. Yeah that noise you just heard, that was her IM’ing me.

Oh yeah, and she isn't really my style. I prefer the 5-5ish 110-120 ones. I have this corollary or something; really if I am walking with a chick out somewhere and I see one of my buddies do I A) turn off onto a side street or wherever to not be seen with the chick or B) walk over to them and introduce. I prefer B.

Yeah, sometimes there are one’s that just like to be treated that way, and seriously the second time I am in a room with this chick, we get it on after she says she can come over and tutor me, like I am going to treat her well. That’s just dumb besides, I would only date a chick who was / is a stripper because that’s the kind of behavior I expect – this chick is not a stripper.

And boom goes my windshield

So I am driving along on 95 south a little after 9 pm on my way to the Wishing Well for a drink and a few games of darts. I am approaching Woolbright at cruising speed of about 75 mph and I hear this BOOM -- I thought gun shot, but I really have no idea what a gun shot sounds like and then I see this thing fly over my windshield back and to the left, back and to the left off my truck and onto lanes farther left of me. I was in the middle lane.




Whatever it was it skipped right on my hood and collided with my windshield just below the drivers side windshield wiper leaving a crater and spidering my windshield from top to bottom, left to right and back again. Oh, and I could hear it continuing to splinter.

That line in the front, that is the direct hit, followed by the ricochet into the windshield.

Inside view - notice the pieces of glass...

Yeah, so I figured I would just call it a night and head back home.

Oh well

FIRST ANNUAL EPS KNOW
SUPER BOWL XXXI
RECAP SPECIAL

Damn you Petyon, you beat the Pat's then you won the Super Bowl in the rain. A dome team with a choker for a qb should = loss. But no, the Sex Cannon throwgasamed all over the field. If only the Bears could have gotten that go ahead score, perhaps we could have seen something different.

So much for the Pat's winning and me collecting some change so I could get that home theater system for my new tv. Oh? I didn't mention that I got a new tv.

Got back from the Citrus Bowl watching Bucky win and I found that my tv was dying.

I now have my 42" Samsung DLP HDTV -- it's freakin sweet.

Conference Game Round

First Annual EPS Knows
CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP
Preview Special

Well, once again I was 3-1. Yep, I expected Peyton to fold like a deck of cards against the Ravens defense, but alas the Ravens are nevermore. And did you see the calm, cool and collected way Brady dropped that pass in for the 30+ yards?! That was sweet, it is what we have come to expect over the years.

I have the the big bet ($400) with Baba on the outcome of the AFC Title game.

He feels that Petyon is a much better quarterback then Tom. But when you are a Dolphins fan and your All-time Quarterback is Hall of Famer Dan Marino who reached one Super Bowl over his carreer; you have to go with the guy who puts up numbers. I feel that Super Bowl wins and being clutch and winning Super Bowls helps to validate a career. You know, like Joe Montana.


Besides, who wants to watch two weeks of Super Bowl coverage of Peyton finally getting over the hump, but it would be hilarious if he shit the bed in the Super Bowl. HOWEVA, I will not take the Colts in the AFC Title game. We will see the Petyon Face a few times.

PATS WIN

I'll take the Bears too. Seriously, if the Saints and the Colts were to win. That would make for some horrendous TV. Oh, look the Saints have fixed New Orleans, and their former quarterback Archie Manning, father of Peyton. Yeah, imagine all of that, now think to yourself. CAN YOU HANDLE THAT?

We would all need a code red

BEARS vs PATS PART II

Divisional Round

Well, last weekend I was 3-1. Way to go Herm, nice play calling, the Colts have 8 in the box and you refuse to run play action just continue to pound LJ!

First Annual EPS Knows
Divisional Weekend
Preview Special

Colts vs. Ravens
This game is payback for that cold night in 1984 when the Mayflower trucks pulled out of Baltimore and took the Colts with them.
Ravens win

Eagles vs. Saints
The Eagles have been hot of late, but it's the Saints playing and they are playing at home. It's the first home playoff game since Hurricane Katrina. Yeah, FOX won't let you forget that New Orleans was under water and that George Bush hates Black people. White America, get ready to feel ashamed you didn't donate enough, oh and slavery is still your fault.
Saints win

Seahawks vs. Bears
Seahawks got out of Seattle because the ball is slippery when wet and Romo couldn't make the first down or score on the attempt. It's supposed to snow. Shaun Alexander is still suffering from the Madden & ESPN Mobile curse. Bears have the Rex-Cannon on their side and he doesn't have a New Years Party to plan for so beware.
Bears win

Patriots vs. Chargers
It's Tom Brady/ Bill Bellichek and their three rings vs Marty Schottenheimer and his playoff collapses over the years. Yeah, I'm taking three rings over collapses
Patriots win

PAYPAL SURRENDERS

And due to Deadspin Nation Paypal shook in their booties, pissed down their collective legs and surrendered.

I will let Will share the best news about the Adam Knox Fund.

PAYPAL HATES DEMOCRACY

You see a few months ago the fine folks at Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber came up with a way for people to donate to the Adam Knox fund. Just a way for people to donate a few dollars if they could so that care packages could be sent to our troops who are fighting in this never ending war. I'll leave my feelings about the war and the politics out, this isn't about that now, it's about the way a large company is handling the good deeds of people.

[Stephen A. Smith voice] HOWEVA,the fine people at paypal had another idea when the account was set up. They for a reason unknown to all made it a charitable account And now the funds are frozen for 180 days. Thusly delaying the cheese doodle goodness which we are to bring to our soldiers. Every piece of americana helps.


I can not do it justice. I will let Will Leitch, editor of Deadspin explain the issue regarding the Adam Knox Fund, don't forget to read the comments. They are the cherry on top.

Bloggers of the world unite.

Lookie, it's Wild Card Weekend

Well, it is about to be NFL Wild Card Weekend and since we weren't around last year, this makes it the...

First Annual EPS Knows

Wild Card Weekend

Preview Special

Saturday 4:30 (NBC) Kansas City v Indianapolis

First on our plate, we have the Kansas City Chiefs led by Larry Johnson, the man who rushed for the second most yards and second most scores traveling to the offensively talented, yet chokable Indianapolis Colts. Oh and the Colts D is one of the worst in the history of the league against the run. Let’s see if Herm can be smart about this and just hand the ball off to LJ. It’s called clock management Herm, you should try it this week, believe me it’ll work out. The less time Peyton has the ball, the more time you will see this face

and who doesn't want to see this face? I certainly do,I have TV money on the game.

Prediction: Chiefs 31 Colts 24

Saturday 8:00 (NBC) Dallas v Seattle

Gosh, I wonder if they will focus on the division between TO and the Tuna. We have the receiver with the most touchdown catches, but he also has the most dropped balls. Yep that sounds like a little bit of a pickle; did I mention he has 25 million reasons to live? And the team that will be overshadowed and barely mentioned by NBC the defending NFC Champion Seattle Seahawks. Look, I am skipping over them too; they have Shaun Alexander who suffered from the Madden curse earlier in the year and I really don’t know much about them. Call it east coast bias.

Prediction: Dallas 21 (TO drops 1 TD and 2 other balls) Seattle 33

Sunday 1:00 (CBS) NY J-E-T-S v New England Patriots

Well it’s the teacher vs. the pupil in the rubber match of the three game series between these two teams. At least Bill called Eric by his name this week at his press conference. This will be a close one just because the teams and coaches know each other so well. Tendencies and what not.

Predication: Jets 18 Pats 21

Sunday 4:30 (FOX) NY Giants v Philadelphia Iggles

Both Manning’s are out by 8 PM. Eli gets, well he just gets. Flustered. And when the receivers don’t get into the game early, they tune everything out and don’t forget all the penalties they will incur for stupid things. Garcia is now back in an offensive system that is fit for him, instead of the crap they were running while he was in Cleveland and Detroit. They are like Pittsburgh last year, getting hot at the right time that is until they run into the New Orleans Saints, but we will save that for next week

Predication Giants: 13 Iggles 35

My ears are bleeding

I just wanted to get this off my chest. I HATE the FOX Sports crews they have had for all of the BCS Bowl games. They make me wish for Brent Musberger. Do you realize how atrocious you have to be for people to wish for Brent Musberger?

FOX BCS announcers are on par with Bryant Gumble of the NFL Network. They make my ears bleed and not like a little cut, I'm talking massive hemorrhaging.

Barry Alverez, in the words of Mike is a great AD, Barry, go back and AD at Wisconsin, get off of my TV screen, you ruined the Fiesta Bowl.

And what genius gave the green light to reuniting Jimmy Johnson and Barry Switzer? I mean come on, do you not realize what happened between these two men? Barry came in and took away one of Jimmy's Super Bowl Rings. Do you not remember the video of the Playmaker himself throwing a garbage can at reporters after Jimmy left Big D and Switzer took over?!?

Now I have to put up with Terry Bradshaw for four hours. And WTF was up with that dissertation Jeanine Zelasko gave while talking to Charlie the Hut? Could her words not stop flowing because of his massive gravitational pull? Or perhaps it is not the force of the Hut, she can't shut up when speaking to Les Miles either.And talk about let down, she hosts FOX Baseball, and for the BCS they put her on the sideline, I guess someone got a little to big for her britches.

Were we not shown the aftermath of Katrina during the Monday Night game? I guess not different network = more look at how New Orleans has bounced back. Oh and look there are black people in the stands.

Way to go Terry, talking over the stadium PA for captain introductions, this game is going to be freakin' sweet ------------ and we have a special appearance by President David Palmer, he gets to flip the coin.

Multi Million Dollar Homes for Sale

I'll get to my weekend later, so many pictures to choose from and the words to go with them, yeah, it could, check that, it's going to be a long one.

But onto the two multi-million dollar houses that just went onto the market due to two prominent South Florida Head Coaches ducking out the back door in one case or surgery in the other. Out the back door we have Nick Saban and off to the surgery table, we have Pat Riley.







I am trying to figure out what to write, but I just don't care that Saban fled during the night a la the Colts in 1984. If someone offered me 40 million to go to podunk Alabama, I mean Tuscaloosa, I would. Seriously, you can trip over talent, but beware of the fact that the plane he flew out of South Florida today had a picture of Bear Bryant on the , but hey it's not like it looks like this.

They are having a fun time over at Kissing Suzy Kolber, I'll let you enjoy their prose. And of course, we have to show the Deadspin recap.

But these people at the Sun Sentinel are none too thrilled.

Somehow saying "My wife just doesn't like living in South Florida" is not going to cut it. I know it does not snow on Christmas and it gets hot as hell in the summer time, but think about it: South Beach vs. Tuscaloosa (Big fake boobies vs. no teeth meth fiends). Gosh, if he does not build a winner somehow I think he is going to use this crutch again.

You see, I am not a huge fan of the NFL, I don't really have an NFL team that my Fall/Winter Sundays revolve around; I'm a college football kinda guy. I grew up in Sarasota a short drive to Tampa where for many years was home to the Yuck-aneers, they had double digit losing seasons for all the years I lived on the west coast until my senior year in high school. So I never got all caught up like people say from Wisconsin or down here in south Florida.

Yeah, this was at the bar we frequented while up in Orlando, it's called the Club House. Turns out it is a Packer bar. We went to watch the Sunday night game prior to heading out to the Party at Wall Street. Long story short, they travel well.

Now onto the NBA portion of our update. Pat Riley, Head Coach of your Miami Heat has informed the team's management (himself) that he is taking a leave of absence for medical reasons. He has issues with his knee and hip, so he is going to go under the knife. I just wonder if the Heat were not four games under 500 would this be happening. I know that Shaq takes a month or two off a year and but come on. Well at least this isn't like a few years ago when Riley jumped ship and let Stan the Man Van Gundy take over and lead the team to the Eastern Conference Finals. Speaking Stan, has anyone seen him? Perhaps he could come back and take over the reigns.

A quickie

Just a quick little update, kinda like that ride down in the elevator I, errr, um you and some chick had in the elevator, or broom closet...

Well, BUCKEY WON and that means I am a few hundred dollars closer to my spankin new HDTV!



I have no voice because of the captain/coke & So Co/Sprite I have been drinking since Sunday morning. The game was unreal, it had everything I LOVE about college football - atmosphere was GREAT. I wish FAU will be somewhere close to that one day. I am going to try and start some things at FAU games that I am going to blatantly steal from Wisconsin. At least I'm being upfront about it.










Oh, I wanted a viking helmet, found one and wore before the game, during the game and now it sits in my truck. After the game ended, while still inside the stadium, Steve and I found some guys who were sucking from a working beer tap of pure Wisconsin beer. Just an instant StevieG classic.


Pictures and videos to follow later this week, I am off to sell my tickets to the Orange Bowl - Wake and Louisville!